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does it hurt when i think about you. i thought i was over you, and i know it cant work so why do i feel like this. i dont get it, i go days where im happy and then i have one day where im so sad i cant take it anymore. why is this happening to me. i had you, but now its too late. i want things to be like they used to be. i want to be happy again. my brain tells me i want you but my heart is unsure. theres a war going on inside me amd i dont know how to stop it. i tell myself ill feel better if i talk to you but when i do i only feel worse. and that stupid bitch adding more confusion into my head. NO I WONT FUCK YOU JUST STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. ALICIA, I HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE AND I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU. I DIDN’T FEEL BETTER WHEN I WAS AROUND YOU, AND YOU ACTUALLY BROUGHT OUT THE OLD ME FOR A LITTLE WHILE, AND I HATE THE OLD ME. THE OLD ME IS A COWARD, AND A LIAR. I HATED BEING LIKE THAT. THE OLD ME RAN FROM HIS PROBLEMS AND EMOTIONS. But now im different. ill face whatever someone throws at me, and i have you to thank for that heidi. you changed me. because of you i deal with my emotions. i no longer run from them. but more importantly because of you i found myself. these three weeks have been so hard but ive been so happy with myself. i just wish you got to see this new me before it all ended, but im afraid if it didnt end i would still be angry with myself. so endind it did change me for the better but i wish it could start again but i know it cant, i know you dont want it to, which hurts me more than you know.
